Start: March 5, 2011-5:55pm
This entry is a dream blog. It’s been a long time when I’ve tried to write it but it seemed that I don’t have enough inspiration to write such an article. Until this afternoon, I woke up from a series of bad dreams about me being single. And now, here I am, on our terrace and in front of my laptop, trying to pursue this write-up.
I’m single. I don’t have any hook-ups or string attached. If you’ll ask me if it’s my choice or by chance, I’ll answer you… it’s both.
WHY AM I STILL SINGLE?
By chance, I’m not a fan of destiny or in any fairytale, but if any case that I am, perhaps this time, I believe that my partner is still stuck in traffic or had seem to lose her way in to my arms.
By choice, I’ve been in to four relationships from this day, but none of them were quite a success, if one is, perhaps I’ll not be writing this entry at all. If handling a relationship is an examination, maybe I’ll have a grade of “F’ or failed.
I’m not a good handler of a relationship. Sometimes I’m compulsive. I often tend to think that in a relationship, it must always be rainbows and butterflies. If along the way, we were bumped by a hump. Then I give up and screw everything.
One of the reasons why I still choose to be single is because of my age. I’m only 21 to date. I always think that there are still plenty of possibilities that may come in my way. But till when?
SUNNY DAYS OF A SINGLE
Being single is not only misery, often times, I find it fun than being in a relationship. Right now, I’m earning money . I have the money to spend it on my own personal stuffs. I can also help my family in our daily expenses.
Plus, I can spend time more with my friends. Being always there if they need me, they’ll just sms me then in a snap. I’ll be there for them.
In short, being single makes me focus more on myself, on my friends and on my family.
MELANCHOLY OF A SINGLE
And now, we are on the part where I hate to write the most.
Yes, I’m good friend, perhaps a best friend my friends would describe me. It is because I’m always there for them. But there are these instances where I need to hang-out with them, but they are not available, because they are with their partners.
I always feel bad that in our group, I’m one of the few singles that are still single up to now. I always feel envious when we are in a coffee date and have nothing to share with my love life, while them, they always share the happiness of being in love in a commitment. I’m happy for them, but I feel sad for my self.
There are times that I think that they only need me when they are in trouble. Rare of my friends would ask me out for a simple conversation, which I always do for them. If they’re not broken hearted, they won’t even remember that I’m still here. If they are happy in their relationships, even a reply on my sms seemed to be a huge favor from them.
Let’s make it short, since I’m single, they’re one of my priorities, but since they’re not, I’m always an option, a rebound for broken hearted friends. Well I think that’s the way it is.
WHAT REALLY A SINGLE FRIEND FEELS
This may sound desperate but I think I’m not happy anymore. Being always there for my friends, but seldom are there for you. It’s not their fault that I’m single right now, but I think that’s reality, a bitter and cruel reality of being single.
I’m a fickle minded person, trust me, one hour after I finish this entry, I’m back to being a good friend again.
PLANS OF A SINGLE FRIEND
For now, anything goes, I might as well wish that my partner will find its way to my arms, or perhaps be resilient in the relationship I encounter so that one day, a successful relationship will be into my possession.
Right now, I have a dear friend, a friend that perhaps is the closest to my heart. That friend knows everything about me. I don’t know if we call it dating, but we always hang-out every time we’re available.
Every moment we spent together, I am myself. Every time I’m with that friend, I feel home. Sometimes, I feel that I already love her. At one point in time; I felt that I am prioritized.
But I don’t know what’s happening these past few days. Something’s changed. It’s feels like we’re far from each other. We don’t see each other as often, and that makes me feel sad and lonely. Sometimes I want to take the risk of telling her how I really feel, but this time, I don’t really know what to do.
I want to be with her almost every time, and that seldom happened in my past relationship. But now, it seemed years of us being apart. I tried to reach her but I only receive empty signals. I don’t know what’s wrong, but one thing is for sure, that I miss her and her company
That’s the way life is, people don’t change, actually their priorities do. Optimistic as I am, that one day, I’ll wake up, get excited to get my phone and read a message saying “baby, good morning, eat your break fast”. That someday, someone will always be there for me, because I am the priority.
Finished: March 5, 2011-6:45 pm
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