The Fear of Firsts

So it’s the first day of class once again in my work; new faces, new attitudes, in short new students for our institution. As I take a glimpse of them outside the office, in their break time; some are with their old time peers back in high school, some are with their parents, and some are just alone in benches.

New start! I remember back in my first day of class in college, I was with my former classmate in high school who happens to enroll in the same course as mine; we entered this room on the third floor of our building, with a sea of unfamiliar faces. What if I was not accompanied then, what will I feel? will I fit in?

After four years in college, a lot of changes took over me and my interaction with my colleagues. My “first week friends” whom I thought would be my college best buds seemed to fit in with other groups, so was I am.

The girl, whom I find to posses the most intimidating looks at the first day, in a surprise, would be so special to me.

Though in college, I got my group where I belonged, the rotation of “closeness” in the group was never certain. One day, I am close with another peer, then I woke up one day, another peer will penetrate my consciousness, making me closer to him/her.

I tried to create and image in the first day, an image the most likely to be more acceptable to the crowd. Years past, the image engraved at a mask suddenly wears off. Perhaps, I grew tired of wearing this “hey accept me” mask of mine and wonder if I’ll get the same acceptance if they would see me inside.

Fortunately, my peers, so was my critics, accepted me who I am, and I started living with it.

Now, a new beginning will spark for me, and so is for our students. The fear of starting will always be present, but the fear even if it’s in the process itself, is another issue. Fresh start, fears, new faces, and new environment, are just some over-rated feelings and situation we all can get upon the “first” of everything.

Maybe beginnings are weary, but in-betweens and endings usually determines the mood of a movie.