File Name: PARANOIA

This is killing me. This is the reason of my less-slept nights. I don’t know what to do and where to go. Please… grant me the patience to live the coming days with positivism.

December 26, 2010, around 2:00pm

I was busy arranging our garage in our ancestral house in Angeles City for our clan party, when my dad rushed to me and said he had a phone call. The phone call was a big opportunity. His friend’s friend is in the Philippines (working in Canada) right now, and he has slots for possible direct-hiring jobs in the Maple Country.

At first I was in shock. Though not yet sure, I had a fear of leaving my family and my closest friends here, not to mention my job that I’m loving at the moment.

My dad gave me an hour to think. But who am I to let go of that chance? So we went right away to the recruiter to settle things up. That same day, I passed my resume and pictures to the recruiter.

December 27, 2010, around 10:00pm

I was still on my way home when my dad sent me a text message that I must hurry-up, so that I can sign the documents for the embassy. “That fast?” I told myself.

When I got home, I woke my dad to help me sign the papers. While my dad is constantly reminding me that I must not make any mistake in signing-up the document, there I was, hoping that I’ll make a mistake. Seriously, I’m not ready for this surprise. L

December 28, 2010, 9:00am

We went to my dad’s friend to submit the papers to the recruiter. The recruiter was then an hour or two late, that’s why I had a chance to converse with my dad’s friend.

Our conversation ran in circles with the opportunities that awaits me overseas, that helped alleviate my apprehensions. That time, it already sunk in to my system that this is the break I’ve been waiting for.

After hour or hours of waiting, the recruiter came and then I submitted all the requirements needed.

January 2, 2011, 2:00pm

This is the 3^rd time we’re meeting the recruiter to pay for a sort of an employment fee. He also said that I’m moved to a higher post because of my college degree. He even mentioned the possible salary I can get. And this is the official day of the beginning of this paranoia.

The Break

Living in the Philippines is not easy, especially if you’re just a regular employee like me. Though I have a decent job and a single status, that’s not a hindrance for me not take this shot. Since my country is reach in human resources, the only way you can save money swiftly is to work in countries that are rich in capital, unless you have your own business.

The salary offer is really tempting. I mean really tempting. Let’s put it this way, converted in Philippine peso, my salary for a month there is equivalent to my 80-mont salary here in my current job. Isn’t that convincing enough to take risk and leave the country?

The Paranoia

I think I’m done with the “I can’t leave” part. Actually by now, I can live with it. But what’s killing me right at this moment, and for the past days, is that what if this chance was a mere fraud?

The job offer and all its condiments are all too good to be true. They’re too good to believe in. I became critical to the fact that after all the excitement and drama I’m wasting my energy at, what if it’s not true at all?

January 14, 2011 is our schedule to go to Manila to fix our Visa. That day is the very day that this paranoia will die its natural death. There’s no time that I’m wishing that January 14 will be the day next to the day I’m waking at.

The “what ifs”, the promise of a good job overseas, the promise of good life for my family are haunting me right now. They won’t even let me sleep for long hours. I don’t know where this being critical of mine will lead me, but in closer look, I’m just worrying because this chance can make a great impact on my future.

I wish this paranoia will end soon and the promises it has will all be granted. I rest my case.